Ow. My Tract.

I have few regrets in my life (not true) but one thing I very much regret was taking sa7ori lead and getting a Medium Eggnog Milkshake at the McDonald’s and also a Double Quarter Pounder With Cheese and getting back to the office and consuming them both in I would say roughly maybe 4 minutes tops.

I regret this because now my body is on a failing search for some gland or duct or cavity in which to file UNDIGESTABLE INORGANIC MATTER as I haven’t had McDonald’s in over a year to the best of my recollection and when last I did I certainly wasn’t having any godforsaken Eggnog Milkshakes and either way no cell in my being knows what to do with this stuff.

In all seriousness, lately I find myself having a lot of post-meal regret, particularly when I either settle for a dining option when out with people, eat fast out of necessity, or eat on impulse (“hey, Taco Bell sounds really good! […timelapse…] oh god what have I done?”). This is to remind myself that it’s better to just not eat in those situations.

Which is moot, because the Eggnog Milkshake just ruptured my stomach lining like something out of Alien, and I will never eat again much less live to see 2:47 PM EST.