Happiness

I haven’t posted in five days. I don’t have anything to say, not here and not even to my family. I hardly talk at all on days I don’t see friends, and that’s fine. I’m not really doing much of anything over this break, and yet I’m supremely happy. I sleep a lot, and only one night has been ruined by dreams. Those dreams. But it doesn’t hurt to be back in old neighborhood. Nothing hurts in anything more than a practical, historical, matter-of-fact sense. That I can deal with. Happily.

I don’t have plans for New Year’s Eve. Or the following Day, for that matter. I’m not bothered by this. I’ll probably end up sipping champagne at midnight in Craig and Brittany’s apartment after a couple hours’ worth of TiVo-ed Jeopardy reruns. It’s not the “new year, new me” sort of thing I should (?) be attempting. If I thought I could make strides towards meeting new people out in the drunken revelry of an NYE club party I’d go for it. But I know that’s not the scene I meet people in, so instead I’m going to do something familiar, easy, simple, and altogether pleasing. And tell myself I’m not putting change off, but just being realistic.

My light box tricks me into sunshine happiness in the late morning, when I get up in the windowless basement here at home. I ride that happiness out with long unnecessary car errands to be driving, to be out in the sun and the air.

Tomorrow/today I’ll go to Tryst and sit and maybe code and watch people and hopefully smile at someone, because I’ve been told I need the practice. Plus they have WiFi and their Dragon’s Well is like crack.

Things will pick up next week, when one way or another I get back to work-work (break runs until nearly February). Until then I’m happy. Just happy.